The Day I Stopped Performing and Started Connecting

For my first few years as a facilitator and trainer, I was a fake. Not intentionally but I was so busy trying to be my boss and mentor that I forgot to be myself. I could win people over, but it always felt hollow. Like a trick rather than a connection, i always thought i was 1 sharp question away from being “caught-out”.

The shift came when I stopped performing and started understanding myself. After having completed multiple Psychometric assessments, hours of honest self-reflection and leaning into my actual strengths rather than borrowing someone else’s. That’s when influence stopped feeling like manipulation and started feeling like a superpower.

Since then I’ve spent 14 years working with leaders across Europe and Africa, delivering programmes for Dale Carnegie, Blanchard, and my own growing body of content. I’ve sat in enough rooms and on enough Zoom calls to know one thing for certain: the people who influence best aren’t the loudest or the most polished. They’re the most authentic and themselves.

Right now, there’s a lot of noise about AI taking our jobs. I get it. But here’s my take the answer isn’t to compete with machines. It’s to lean harder into what makes you irreplaceably human. Your warmth. Your judgement. Your ability to read a room and make someone feel genuinely seen.

That’s what this Substack is about. Every week I’ll be sharing ideas, research, real stories from the training room, and practical tools to help you influence with more intention, personally and professionally.